Rockies

Hello:

Majestic Greatness...
Begging me to touch their peaks - If only with the lense of my camera
But a roll and a half of film leave me unsatisfied... wanting
Oh to roll in them, blend into the rock, wedge into a crevice, become the mountain
To be one!

Good-bye:

And as I leave, my heart cries
Departing as from a long time lover or friend
The foothills and prairies before me, yet
Around each corner - another rock, crevice, peak
Bid me farewell....

And I diminish with each passing step.

Just call me the Handyman Special...

Fixer-uper, Handyman Special, For Sale for Parts, Mechanic's dream...

These are all terms I avoid, neh, run away from when looking at houses or cars or pretty much any big purchase.

One time we purchased a car at an auction for about $400. It ran for us for about 4 months... then it got to the point that we no longer wanted to deal with it. When compared to the monthly depreciation cost of our current car, we got a deal. But I don't think I would ever get that kind of car again! I just want to have a car that runs as it is supposed to - and a house that keeps us warm and dry - without a lot of work...

However, during a recent sermon, I realized that I am a fixer-uper, and handyman special, mechanic's dream.

God knows all about my failings. He knows that I am unreliable. I will fail over and over again - but he keeps putting me up on the blocks, looks under my hood, or gets out the hammer, saw, wiring, plumbing, and fixed me up.

More then that - he is into restoration. I know a person who loves to take old cars and restore them to their original condition... and a couple who takes old homes and totally rebuilds them to their original, or their perception of what the original condition should have been. They are made like new.

That is me. God makes me like new... and keeps on making me like new over and over again.

And, as a result, instead of being discarded onto the rust heap, or boarded up, with a big "condemned sign", I can run, I can be inhabited, I can be used and become relied upon (someday)...

And, just to push the analogy a bit further...

Perhaps I'm not even a fixer up - perhaps all I'm good for is salvage material or spare parts...

Well I know that God can take the decent parts I have, make them even better, test them, refine them - and then fit them into his bigger and better car, house, etc. Maybe that is what he does with all of us. We become part of his bigger plan. He strips away the rust, mold, garbage, etc., takes what is good and makes it better and incorporates it into what is his.

Anyway, all those thoughts pretty much kept me busy for the rest of the sermon - so I don't really know what it was about!

Ruth - I really like her!

I read Ruth last night (you know - book of the old testement)...

I have always like Ruth. I think I know why. Where as other stories about women - especially women who "get the guy" seem to focus on their insurpassible beauty, with a side note to other characteristics.

What do we know about Ruth - she was from Moab, she was previously married, but childless - a widow. We can surmise that she was likely not of "marrying age" for that generation, but probably not all that old... but we can't really be sure of much about her - except that she was known for her kindness.

While she may have been, she isn't portrayed as the radiant beauty who turns heads when she enters a room. Rather, she is a good and kind person. It seems to be repeated throughout the book.

I'm not sure if I have a point - other then I think I like the story so much because it reassures me that there is value in kindness - value that can even be recognized by a good man - beyond the exterior.

That doesn't seem to be a message we get a lot today.

Buttons (flare?) we got in our stocking

It's been lovely, but now I have to scream (I think of Lavine when I read that one)

Oh. I'm sorry. You must be confusing me for the maid we don't have.

Brilliantly disguised as a caring and productive co-worker.

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise a cat.

Mary to Joseph, "You forgot to make reservations?!?!"

I had a mind once. Now I have small children.

I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.

I don't believe in miracles - I depend on them.

Why do I have to have children? I didn't do anything wrong!

Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens

Not all who wander are lost - JRR Tolkien


Now we need just 3 more pieces to make the bare minimum flare!

What is this crazy thing called love?

Sooo - what is love? Why do we love? Do we love?

We think if we find "the one" we will fall in love and be forever in love with that person. Does this ever really happen?

Have you ever found that person you think is absolutely "the one" but they don't return the sentiment? Do you love them forever? or do you just get over it and move on? I think the later - or at least that had been my experience through my teen years.

And, hard as it may be to believe, I have even experienced someone who claimed to love me - and did a lot of really nice things for me, but none of that "won me over"... I assume they moved on in life - they got married and seem to be happy.

So was that love - or infatuation?

I know that I love my children. Sometimes they make me angry or just plain mad. Sometimes I need to have a break from them - so I can regroup and do a better job. But I never stop loving them. Or at least, I never completely lose my desire to look out for their best interests, ensure their needs are met, and give of myself for them. There is always a part of me that thinks they are the most beautiful creatures ever created - and even though I am honest about their imperfections - I still think they are perfectly made. I believe that is love. Why do I love them? I don't feel that way about all the people in my life that need me. I know they will never compensate me financially, emotionally, or otherwise for all that I've put into them thus far, and will continue to for the rest of my life...

I love my family and friends - although I'm not 100% sure that they all love me. I suppose I see myself as pretty unlovable sometimes - and that is my own fault. But, I do want to give to them of myself, my time, my energy, my resources. I want to make sure they are taken care of. I don't always have the personal energy to pull through and see that they get what they need - but I still want them to have it. Is that love?

So what about "romantic love"? It is love to always be willing to give of yourself, even though you might not get it back in return? Do we need a reciprocal giving and taking of love in this type of relationship in order for love to survive? It wouldn't seem to be the case in the examples cited above... but is this love different? Or is it that we confuse love with infatuation?

I've been observing older couples lately - seeing how they are there for eachother - to clean up their messes, to be available for conversation (or at least the occasional "hmmm" or "you're right dear"), to ensure needs are met, to be around to call the medics if something happens, to make coffee in the morning, to live with - even when the other is taken by physical or mental illness. I think that is love. It isn't exciting. It doesn't make your heart ache or your pulse race... but it seems to me that is love.

It seems to be a decision to keep on giving, even when knowing the other person is unable or unwilling to give back.

Maybe all the other stuff - flowers, gifts, acts of kindness - are a part of that... but maybe they aren't. Maybe they are just the icing on the cake. Maybe they are part of infatuation. Or, as some books say, they are a mode for communicating love.

So, I'm not really sure about much, yet, but I am starting to believe that love has a lot more to do with me, and a lot less to do with the other person. Maybe that is ultimately what we are really saying with "I do"...

Perhaps we should say, "even if you don't fulfill all or even some of my fantasies, if I have to spend my life working to ensure your life is sustained, if I never get any of the things I want - I will still choose to be with you - to give to you - and to do it with joy"... But that would be nuts. Who would ever sign up for that? Is that what we sign up for when we get married? I'm sure I didn't really believe that when I said the words - but isn't that what "for worse" or "for poorer" means?

Anyway, enough thoughts for today on love. It is a mystery. Perhaps, further along, I'll understand.

Random Thoughts

We have been in Thunder Bay, visiting family and friends this week... It has been a good, relaxing week and we have been enjoying catching up with people here, and test driving a few vehicles as we being our period of research into whether or not we need to purchase a new car/van/SUV... The 626 only took us 2 years to research and make a decision on...

As Kristian came up to me, reached his arms upward and I picked him up, I wondered - why does the love of a baby or child provoke such feelings in us. They can't do anything for us. They can't give us anything. They can't make our lives easier - in fact they are very demanding, dependent and seem to take, take, take. And yet they provoke such a love in us. Perhaps all my marriage courses on love = what you get from the other person are mistaken? (Don't tell Eric...)

We tried something new this week. The boys were fighting over what we were going to do. I tried to explain that we had a lot of time... so we came up with a plan. We wrote down a list of all the things we would like to do (or in some cases - need to do) this week. As we have had a chance to do things, we have stroked the item off the list. Today is our last full day - and my youngest had to make a decision - tobogganing, or accepting an invite to a friends' house... I am hoping that, when we review the list and see everything we have done it will help them not focus on how "bad" the week was because of one thing they didn't get done - we'll see. I may have outsmarted myself on this one.

I purchased my long awaited camera this week. It is still in the box, as I have been feeling guilty over the extravagance of the purchase... Yesterday, I found the same package I purchased on line for $25 less - so today, I am making a trip to FutureShop to test their lowest price guarantee...

So - those are some random thoughts from this week.

Happy New Year!