What is this crazy thing called love?

Sooo - what is love? Why do we love? Do we love?

We think if we find "the one" we will fall in love and be forever in love with that person. Does this ever really happen?

Have you ever found that person you think is absolutely "the one" but they don't return the sentiment? Do you love them forever? or do you just get over it and move on? I think the later - or at least that had been my experience through my teen years.

And, hard as it may be to believe, I have even experienced someone who claimed to love me - and did a lot of really nice things for me, but none of that "won me over"... I assume they moved on in life - they got married and seem to be happy.

So was that love - or infatuation?

I know that I love my children. Sometimes they make me angry or just plain mad. Sometimes I need to have a break from them - so I can regroup and do a better job. But I never stop loving them. Or at least, I never completely lose my desire to look out for their best interests, ensure their needs are met, and give of myself for them. There is always a part of me that thinks they are the most beautiful creatures ever created - and even though I am honest about their imperfections - I still think they are perfectly made. I believe that is love. Why do I love them? I don't feel that way about all the people in my life that need me. I know they will never compensate me financially, emotionally, or otherwise for all that I've put into them thus far, and will continue to for the rest of my life...

I love my family and friends - although I'm not 100% sure that they all love me. I suppose I see myself as pretty unlovable sometimes - and that is my own fault. But, I do want to give to them of myself, my time, my energy, my resources. I want to make sure they are taken care of. I don't always have the personal energy to pull through and see that they get what they need - but I still want them to have it. Is that love?

So what about "romantic love"? It is love to always be willing to give of yourself, even though you might not get it back in return? Do we need a reciprocal giving and taking of love in this type of relationship in order for love to survive? It wouldn't seem to be the case in the examples cited above... but is this love different? Or is it that we confuse love with infatuation?

I've been observing older couples lately - seeing how they are there for eachother - to clean up their messes, to be available for conversation (or at least the occasional "hmmm" or "you're right dear"), to ensure needs are met, to be around to call the medics if something happens, to make coffee in the morning, to live with - even when the other is taken by physical or mental illness. I think that is love. It isn't exciting. It doesn't make your heart ache or your pulse race... but it seems to me that is love.

It seems to be a decision to keep on giving, even when knowing the other person is unable or unwilling to give back.

Maybe all the other stuff - flowers, gifts, acts of kindness - are a part of that... but maybe they aren't. Maybe they are just the icing on the cake. Maybe they are part of infatuation. Or, as some books say, they are a mode for communicating love.

So, I'm not really sure about much, yet, but I am starting to believe that love has a lot more to do with me, and a lot less to do with the other person. Maybe that is ultimately what we are really saying with "I do"...

Perhaps we should say, "even if you don't fulfill all or even some of my fantasies, if I have to spend my life working to ensure your life is sustained, if I never get any of the things I want - I will still choose to be with you - to give to you - and to do it with joy"... But that would be nuts. Who would ever sign up for that? Is that what we sign up for when we get married? I'm sure I didn't really believe that when I said the words - but isn't that what "for worse" or "for poorer" means?

Anyway, enough thoughts for today on love. It is a mystery. Perhaps, further along, I'll understand.