Giving with Gratitude

I realized last week that, for the past few years of Eric's Ministry in Thunder Bay, I had stopped being grateful and joyful in our giving. I felt like a critical part of the church and felt purpose in what we were doing, but resentment had begun to creep in. In my mind, the ledger of what we were giving - time, energy, ideas, money, etc. - for outweighed any benefit. In my more pride-filled moments I even thought, "What would the church here do without us."

Since coming to Kenora, we have become a part of a church that is quite large. We are just starting to find our place. Recently, I was asked to sing in the choir for Easter - and I felt grateful for the opportunity to serve.

Last week, though, I worshiped with family at the church in Estevan. Several people were missing so Eric and his father were asked to fill in. It felt odd not to be asked - and it reminded me how grateful I was for the freedom to serve through leading music and for being a member of the leadership team when we were in Thunder Bay. I really struck me how, in an effort to serve more, I can become ungrateful for the opportunity to serve - to give... a gratitude that I once felt.

I can allow "church" or even "God" to be another chore in my life and forget that it is I who is the benefactor.

One of my good friends is the opposite of this. She also happens to be really good at inviting people to church. She sees being a part of a church and being in relationship with God as a huge benefit. When someone is going through a hard time, she tells them - they need to be at her church. I think that when I have considered inviting others to church, I have thought about how the church would benefit from another member.

How completely backwards is that?

But it is probably indicative of the lack of gratefulness that as crept into my consciousness. If I felt more gratitude over being part of a loving and caring group of believers - and at the love God has for me - perhaps I would want to share that with others. On top of that, I have to overcome a miss placed sense of self-importance, because in the final tally:

A. I can never even approach what God has given me - or done for me through His church, and
B. God doesn't even need me to do his will.

And maybe that is one reason why He has led us to Kenora and out of active church Ministry - to give me an attitude check.

Or perhaps that is only part of his package for us for the next few years.