Mixed Feelings

I have had some really good moments lately, and some not so great ones. I've been waking up in the middle of the night, my mind full of thoughts and wonderings, and I can't back to sleep for awhile. I'm just... edgy. And I don't know why... Well, I have some thoughts... but I can't seem to work through them.

Anyway, today I almost finished my Christmas shopping. I have a few things to pick up and gift certificates to buy, but I'm just about done. Eric and I went shopping today, which was nice... but not the way I usually feel after our Christmas shopping day. There is just something missing...

Maybe it's just the rainy river... or PMS!

I Am A Rock (with sources)

I Am A Rock (2:50)
P. Simon, 1965
Recorded by: Simon & Garfunkel
Sounds of Silence album, released 1966
Also on their "Greatest Hits" released by Columbia 31350: June 1972; "Definitive Simon & Garfunkle", released by Sony, January 1, 1992 and "The Best of Simon & Garfunkel" re-released by Sony, November 16, 1999 (among others)
As found on http://sglyrics.myrmid.com/sounds.htm
www.lyricsfreak.com/s/simon-and-garfunkel/124809.html
polyticks.com/home/Visions/IAmARock.htm
www.sing365.com/.../ I-Am-A-Rock-lyrics-Me-First-and-the-Gimme-Gimmes/FF68F484259404D448256C5400137792
setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/~aparsons/ guitar/guitar.py.cgi?song=Simon_and_Garfunkel_-_I_Am_A_Rock


A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow

I am a rock
I am an island

I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
Friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

I am a rock
I am an island

Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
Of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried

I am a rock
I am an island

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
Safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me

I am a rock
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

>> I really liked this song as a teen - and when things are rough, I return to it like a security blanket - or perhaps a "womb"...

Torn

Nothing's right, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and
I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn.

Obsession

Notice how much baggage comes with that word. What if I had titled this blog obsessing, or stressing out. Would it have been as provocative? Interesting how certain words pack a bigger punch then others. (like Wanderlust?)

So - does anyone out there have a quick fix solution to stop obsessing about things. It seems like the more you try not to think about something - the more you do. For instance, if I want a brownie and try to not think about it, it seems like I only think about it more... Or if an arguement doesn't go your way, you keep thinking about all the arguements you should have made or things you wanted to say but didn't... Or that job you wanted, but didn't get and keep going over your answers and thinking about what your answers should have been... Or what you should have said to that special someone... Obsessing... Obsession!

I suppose a certain amount of obsessing is helpful - only now we call it "reflective practice". Rethinking a situation, reviewing what was done and what should have been done is part of learning, part of getting better, part of doing better next time. But at some point you just have to move on.

HIT ME OVER THE HEAD & MAKE ME MOVE ON!!!

Then sometimes, you think you have moved on - you have stopped obsessing and then you hear something or read something and it starts back up again... is that because the issue is still unresolved. Or because there are demons who like to drive us insane?

So - here I sit - obsessing about obsession... Also rocking back and forth, sucking my thumb, humming the smurf theme song... la la lala lala laa lala lalaa...