Scales are bad!

Well, that might be an overgeneralization...

I had my first "post-assessment" session with the Eatting Disorder Clinic. It ended up being shorter because I was late. I was late because I "needed" to get work done for everyone else, and felt justified in taking time away from my own personal time... But then I felt guilty for making my counsellor wait...

What I found out - I have issues with - not taking time for myself (therefore I self-reward with food) and guilt! Also disappointment in self, really bad body image or body acceptance, and having perfectionist expectations for myself that could I never live up to, thus I give up and beat myself up about it. Interesting!

We didn't get into much detail. However we reviewed some testing that I had done the previous week which pointed out areas in which I am doing well and areas in which I need to work on. That was useful and encouraging. My past assessment of doing better was measured solely on the scale. If I lost, I was doing well. If I gained, I was failing. Since I am likely at the same weight I was 3 years ago, I haven't gotten any better... BUT, after looking at the assessment data, I was able to pick out areas in which I have improved over the past three years, even if I don't see the results on the scale.

Like - I am much better at recognizing hunger and fullness. I can usually figure out what I am feeling (I used to just know that I felt like eatting). I am not as tied to an image of how I should look. And I have totally decided against any type of food restriction. I see all these as areas inwhich I have improved over the past 3 years.

So, I have work to do, but I am feeling very positive about it right now!