Breaking the Cycle

Yesterday - another day of counselling at the Eatting Disorder Clinic...

It was interesting to explore cycles and inner dialogue. Identification is one thing, actually changing it is another. It is easy enough to say, instead of beating yourself up or denying your feelings and not dealing with things, actually deal with your needs as they arise, so you don't turn to food later... Actually doing that is another matter entirely.

How do you stop the voices in your head that say you don't deserve a break, or you haven't worked hard enough, or you should be able to do better? How do you force yourself to get up and take a walk when the pile of work looms before you? How do you feel satisfied with a job well done when no one has told you that it was done well? How do you decide that for yourself? How do you allow yourself to play and have fun without feeling guilty all the time?

My cycle is to allow the internal dialogue to go on until I stress out - then I eat and/or go to bed or "escape" into movies or TV. Instead, I need to either challenge the dialogue, or listen to what my body is telling me and respond - not just push it aside and ignore it.

That is what I learned yesterday... Or have I really learned it if I can't practise it yet? I guess that is what I am learning right now.

Later!