Breakdown - Recovery

I had a minor breakdown this weekend...

Actually, I've been on the verge of one for awhile. I am having one of those "what are we doing here" moments. I wonder why we keep plugging away at the work we are doing, unsure of whether there is any hope for improvement. Wondering whether or not anyone else cares...

So, after church on Sunday - I went home and cried.

Then I got a call to go to the beach. It is amazing how an afternoon with friends can make life seem so much more manageable. I was feeling so alone Sunday morning - then so at home Sunday afternoon.

Besides the fun of swimming in an awesome lake (Lake Superior is definitely superior!) and enjoying the sun on a warm beach, enjoying great company - we chatted about church, the vision, where we think things are going. There is hope - and it is coming from others - that is defintely encouraging.

In my better moments I see the changes that have already happened - the encouragement of others participating in serving, leadership, etc... Just the fact that others care is hopeful.

And, I was also encouraged to do something about our life situation. I have wanted to be at home at some point in our lives. It feels like this is never going to happen. But I was encouraged to atleast push on one point. It is time for E to move back to 30 hours and to proceed with some program that will take him closer to his goal of being a Counseling Minister. So, I have decided to push. I have not had the personal energy to do this for the past 2 years, and have sat by feeling helpless and trapped. In the fight or flight instinct - I have definitely been in flight mode - wanting to run away or run toward something that seems better. But now I am feeling a little more energy and strength - perhaps enough to create a little pressure and support for change and hopefully it will be effective.

And this includes a lot of prayer - so if you read this and if you pray - please pray that things will change. That the church in Thunder Bay will get on fire with the vision and will grow both in number and in passion for Christ - that we will make changes in our lives to be able to create better balance - and that I will have the energy and strength to fight for what I think is right - and the wisdom to fight effectively.